


forward thinker

by heondreds



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Biting, Blow Jobs, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Kissing, Light Somnophilia, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mouth Kink, Oral Fixation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Self-Hatred, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26953321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heondreds/pseuds/heondreds
Summary: hyunjae talks too much. when all the hurt and all the words are threatening to come out, he has to put his mouth to better use.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 12
Kudos: 117





	forward thinker

**Author's Note:**

> i love hyunjae a lot but i also love self-indulgent heavy angst and mouth kink and crying so
> 
> i wrote this on my phone at night but i won’t apologize

it’s late, past midnight but there’s a bunch of them still up, playing games and chatting and having fun.

hyunjae’s having fun too, until someone tells him to shut up.

it’s nothing new, a common occurrence whenever he gets too comfortable and stops paying attention, but one second he’s laughing and the next someone is telling him to shut up, christ you never fucking shut up, always so loud, always running your stupid mouth, i’m so sick of you.

and he’s not having fun anymore. it hurts, of course it hurts. it always hurts. he hears this all the time, but never quite so mean. this time, this time it hits harder.

it hurts like nothing else, and hyunjae would usually laugh it off or insult them back, but this time hyunjae takes that hurt and holds it tight in his chest, bites his lip against the spew of words he wants to fire back, the urge inside him to talk and clear things up, sort things out, and just leaves instead, tense and silent, ears ringing.

he takes it all to juyeon’s room, where the younger is sleeping, locks the door so younghoon can’t get in after him and climbs onto juyeon’s bed. he pulls back the covers, uncaring whether he wakes the younger - it won’t make a difference, either way.

there’s a blockage in his chest, a wad of hurt and pain and all the words he’s trying not to say anymore, can’t say anymore, and he shimmies down to juyeon’s hips and he tugs at juyeon’s shorts. he swallows hard against the lump in his throat. all the hurt and all the words are threatening to come out - he has to put his mouth to better use.

he ducks down and fits juyeon’s cock into his mouth, as much as he can. he’s not hard, but reacts swiftly in the soft, wet cavern of hyunjae’s mouth. juyeon is a light sleeper, he quickly starts to shift, gasps gently as he wakes. his hands move to hyunjae’s shoulders, slide up his neck, cup his cheeks as he hollows them, sucks messily on juyeon’s rapidly hardening cock.

“hyung, what-” juyeon starts to say, but it’s swallowed by a groan as hyunjae sucks harder, swirls his tongue, pulls up so he can run his tongue up the underside of his cock, lap at the tip. “what is this, what are you doing?”

he’s not saying stop, so hyunjae doesn’t listen. he doesn’t reply, no one wants his words. he can’t make juyeon happy with his words, he never can. but he can do this, with his mouth, instead.

juyeon’s fingers tangle into hyunjae’s hair, holds him back a little, slows the pace of hyunjae’s bobbing on his cock. juyeon hasn’t moved at all, hips twitching in his effort to stay still, not thrust up into the heat of hyunjae’s mouth. hyunjae wouldn’t mind, if juyeon wanted to fuck his face. he’d take it, let juyeon use him and his mouth however he wanted, let juyeon teach him how to use it for the best, in the way that people want.

“fuck, hyung, i’m gonna come.”

it hasn’t been anywhere near as long as hyunjae thought, as long as he needs yet. what’s he going to do, after juyeon comes? when he has to stop, drop the cock from his mouth, what’s going to happen? what if the words spill out, let out something that has juyeon frowning, cursing at him. all his work here would be erased, all the good he can do with his mouth forgotten.

he has to show what he can do, do as well as he can so juyeon can’t forget, so he’ll know that hyunjae knows how to use his mouth, he can do it properly, he can.

juyeon comes with a groan, spilling onto hyunjae’s tongue. he keeps his head down, sucks juyeon through his release and keeps going afterward, licking until juyeon is whining, fingers hard in his hair, tugging sharp to try and get him off.

“hyung god, too much, stop, please” he whines, and hyunjae blinks and realizes he’s crying, now. fat tears rolling down his cheeks, clumping his eyelashes together.

juyeon sounds close to tears himself, fingers curling around hyunjae’s jaw instead to pry him away. “stop, hyung, too much.”

stop, hyunjae heard him. he lets go, hears the hiss of relief as he lets juyeon’s cock drop from his mouth.

juyeon’s fingers turn gentle, caressing his jaw and his cheeks, a thumb sliding over his swollen lips. he presses them together, tight, swallows firm against the words he can already feel bubbling up again.

the hurt is still there, hot and raw, but it’s stuffed down, already burying itself away. the words, though, the words won’t stay down.

“hyung, what was that?” his thumb swipes across hyunjae’s cheek now, smears through the tears. “you’re crying, hyung. baby, are you okay?”

he can’t answer, he can’t. juyeon would just be upset at any of the words that came out, those stupid, annoying words that he can never control, never keep down.

he feels them again, now his mouth is empty, unoccupied. what else is his mouth good for?

juyeon gasps as hyunjae surges up, smashes their lips together. he can do this, too. he’s good at this. he may be pressing a little harder than usual, a little rougher, messier, but it’s still good, he’s still good.

juyeon whines at the taste of himself on hyunjae’s tongue as hyunjae licks into his mouth, and hyunjae freezes. he never did like that, did he. hyunjae should have remembered, should have known.

he can’t do this. he’s not good. it’s not even the words then, it’s his mouth in general. it’s him. he always upsets people, even when he doesn’t mean to - and he never means to, he’s always trying his best, but his words and his mouth and his own stupid self keep letting him down.

and he can’t kiss juyeon anymore, can’t keep disappointing him, but there’s nothing else to do with his mouth, nothing else to keep it occupied, and it’s useless, he’s useless, and the words may have been tamped down but the tears definitely haven’t.

a sob wracks its way out, and it’s not a word but it is a noise, and it’s not a good noise.

juyeon’s eyes are wide, startled, concerned as hyunjae feels himself break, pushing off juyeon as the dam splits open. he slumps back against the wall, curled up away from the younger, and he cries.

he cries loud, ugly and graceless, but he can’t help it. idols aren’t supposed to be ugly, but idols aren’t supposed to be noisy or blunt or rude either. they’re supposed to control their mouths, watch their words, and hyunjae can’t even do that.

at least the words can’t get out past the lump in his throat, couldn’t be heard over the sound of his sobs. it’s a small consolation as his head starts to thump, body aching, chest on fire.

he has upset juyeon, disgusted him, of course he has, because that’s what he does. juyeon sat up when hyunjae moved away, then did nothing. just watched as hyunjae fell apart, listened to the heaving sobs but kept away.

hyunjae can’t blame him, doesn’t expect him to do anything. this is all hyunjae’s fault, his punishment for his worthless mouth and all the times he’s annoyed his members with it. he deserves this, deserves to suffer and cry until he can’t anymore, until he passes out and the words get choked, stuck inside him and shoved deep down, so far they’ll never get out. he can’t keep upsetting everyone, can’t keep going like this. he needs this.

then there are arms around him, pulling him against a broad chest. it’s juyeon, pulled himself together and pulled hyunjae close to him. it does little to stop the tears, silence the sobs, but it dampens the hurt in his chest, a little.

“oh my god, hyung, what’s wrong?” he says, crowding tight against him. “please stop crying baby, please.”

but he can’t stop crying, can’t shut up, even when he presses his mouth against juyeon’s chest so hard his lips ache against his teeth. so he tries something else, moves up to fit his teeth around juyeon’s shoulder instead. juyeon flinches back, tenses underneath him, but hyunjae doesn’t bite down, doesn’t want to hurt him, god no, just needs something to do with his mouth, needs to keep it under control.

lips parted, mouth open, he whimpers, and it sounds a little too close to words. he squeezes his eyes shut, pushes his tongue forward too, lays it flat on juyeon’s shoulder, on the bit trapped between his teeth, spit soaking into his t-shirt.

juyeon’s hands are in his hair, stroking, petting, a little desperate but still calming.

“hyung, let go,” he’s saying, voice shaky, scared. he’s scared, definitely, freaked out and worried. hyunjae did that to it, hyunjae’s making him feel that way, god it’s all his fault.

he lets go, lets juyeon pull him away, and he can’t see how big the bite mark was because there are fat tears welling up in his eyes again and another sob threatening to escape, but it’s stopped by juyeon’s lips on his.

this time hyunjae whines, tries to pull away. he wants this, he does, but he still tastes bad. juyeon doesn’t want this, he can’t disappoint juyeon any more.

“it’s okay baby,” juyeon says, pulled just far enough back to speak, lips brushing against hyunjae’s. his hands are firm on the back of hyunjae’s head, holding him in place. “it’s fine, baby, i want to. please let me.”

he can’t want this, why would he? but hyunjae wants to be good, so bad, so much it hurts, so he stops struggling, goes pliant as juyeon’s lips move against his, lets his mouth open for juyeon to lick inside, warm and sweet, solid and safe. he hums at the taste on hyunjae’s tongue, but it doesn’t sound bad - pleased, maybe, a little content. hyunjae fights back another sob and surrenders to it, lets juyeon do whatever he wants.

this is how he wants hyunjae’s mouth, this is what will make him happy. hyunjae will let him do anything.

too soon, juyeon is pulling away again, hands cupping hyunjae’s jaw. he’s looking at hyunjae, a little frown on his face. hyunjae must look terrible, cheeks wet, eyes red, lips swollen. he tries to wriggle away but juyeon holds him in place.

“what’s going on, baby?” he asks, fingertips rubbing hyunjae’s scalp. “why are you crying, please, what’s wrong?”

don’t ask him questions, stop asking him questions. it makes it so hard to keep the words down. he wants to answer, wants to tell him, but he can’t. the words never help, they only make things worse. they’ll only disappoint him.

juyeon tilts his head, peers at hyunjae, at the grimace as hyunjae fights to keep his mouth shut, keep the tears back. he can feel hyunjae’s jaw clenching under his palms, watches the way his lips tremble.

he seems to guess. does he know?

juyeon lifts his hand, holds out two fingers, hovers them by hyunjae’s mouth.

“you want these?” he asks, hushed.

hyunjae can’t open his mouth or the words will spill out. he can’t even nod.

“try it, baby. come on,” juyeon says, fingertips tapping against hyunjae’s bottom lip. hyunjae wants to be good, he does.

he moans as juyeon’s fingers push past his lips, brush against his teeth on the way into his mouth, a horrible weak sound that has a fresh wave of tears rolling down his cheeks. he should be better than this, his voice, his stupid mouth, he should be able to control it.

juyeon’s fingers lie against his tongue, carefully limp. juyeon is watching closely, inspecting hyunjae’s face for any sign of discomfort, any sign that this isn’t okay. he must not find any, because he leans in to kiss the corner of hyunjae’s mouth, lips pressing against the side of his knuckles too.

“good boy,” he says against hyunjae’s skin, slick from tears. “you’re doing so well for me baby. look at you, taking my fingers there, i’m so proud.”

hyunjae moves his tongue, sucks, suckles gently on juyeon’s fingers. he’s useful again, putting his mouth to good use. it feels good, warm and soft and fuzzy.

juyeon kisses him again. “you can have my fingers whenever you want, as long as you want. that would help, right? help you feel better?”

hyunjae can’t answer, but he looks up into juyeon’s eyes and hopes he’ll see the answer there.

he does. “okay baby, we’ll do that, whenever you want. and we can do it now, we just need to lie down, yeah?”

and it hurts, letting juyeon pull his fingers out so they can settle back down, burns hot as his mouth is once again empty. but he can do this, for juyeon.

juyeon lies him down, makes sure he’s comfortable wrapped up in the covers, then juyeon is lying down with him, pushing and tugging until he’s spooned behind hyunjae, cuddling tight. his hand moves up again, fingers still slick with spit, and hyunjae welcomes them eagerly back into his mouth.

“we can sleep like this, yeah? this is good?”

hyunjae just sucks, eyes dropping closed, and hopes that’s a good enough answer.

“get some rest, hyung,” juyeon says, and hyunjae feels safe, warm, useful with juyeon’s fingers in his mouth, keeping him occupied, words stuffed down, deep down. and sleep is safe. he can’t upset anybody when he’s asleep.

he feels juyeon pressing a kiss to the back of his head, and it feels so good as he falls asleep around juyeon’s fingers. so good, he thinks, words can’t do it justice. and he doesn’t even want to try.

**Author's Note:**

> i remember being genuinely shocked back when i found out hyunjae wasn’t everyone’s favorite member 😔
> 
> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/heondreds), you know it, you love it


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